Camping @ Wasaga

So, this was a weekend that i thought i would be at least get a rest of sorts
i was so wrong lol

on friday, after softball practice, exhausted and all, came home and did my laundry till 3am. i had to wake up at 6am on Saturday morning =S. crap. so about 2.5 hours of sleep and all. Had to run up to Wellesley and Yonge to drop my Rogers video. Watched Domino and She's the Man with Natalia :). i think she liked She's the Man, Domino was more bloodier and stuff. and plus- cheering her up was my first priority.

so 7am i got to Finch station and waited for Natalia. she was 1 minute late. lol. Yea, we have this late issue reversed now =P. So the 5 of us took of for Wasaga (Natalia, Jason, Gloria, Steph, and moi)

when we got there, we set up the two tents. the 10 man tent was a mess lol. all the pieces were mixed up and everything. took us like 30 minutes to set up the 6 man tent and like 2 hours to set up the 10 man lol. After the tents, we went to go Go-Carting and batting cages. Yes, Natalia beat me at Go-Carting- but i wasn't expecting her to pass me at the end XP. and then batting cages. 35 MPH was way to fast for me at the beginning. i missed like the first 8 pitches and and for the next 6 pitches i like ticked. but after i found my niche, i hit some balls with some power on pitches 18-19 lol. 25 MPH was more manageable. good practice :)

Went to Wasaga. haven't been to a beach in AGES!!!!! the weather sucked though. hmm it was grey for most of the day. i had no choice but to get Natalia wet b/c Jason started. Who was gonna get less wet? Jason lol, so i kinda joined the dark side. minus 15!!! holy!!!!! mmm we also had funnel cake as well. it was good:)

and the day went by, and the more day went by, it was good to get to know Natalia. She's a very competitive girl =P, just like me, and i see so many similarities in us. i had tons of fun =)

the rest of the people finally came at around 8pm. Goo, Lue, Choy, Athrum, Cindy, Julia, Jacky, Gerald. we ate at the Friendly Greek.

went to walk out in the water until the water came to the top of my thigh, i held my shorts way up- it looked pretty funny lol b/c Goo was doing the same thing. This is the most significant part (to me) of the whole trip.



::::::::::stop for the moment::::::::::::::

Looking out into the neverending black abyss. it really reminds of where i am going in life and who i really am. i really don't know. It was so dark that if the lights from the nitelife at Wasaga was turned off, i wouldn't be able to see my hands in front of my eyes. Thats how lost i am. the more i think my life is set, it throws me a curveball and keeps me guessing. i could just stand out there and try to see lights to lead me, but none came out. its kinda scary and the most relaxing time of the whole trip at the same time. just pure calmness- something that i need in my life. it has been so hectic this year. money, family, school, love - ahh yes love. with a failed attempt this year already, i don't know if i could love anyone that could love me the same. its like every girl that i have met in my university life- all the girls are the same- can't commit. and the latest love- i can say the same thing. I just want to love and let go of my life to her. i would go to the ends of the earth for her but she doesn't know it. and if she is reading this, she prob has made up her mind of not being with me (for personal reasons). so i guess life goes on. it might as well leave me behind cuz i'm living in this moment. with you and you only.

It has been a sorts this year- i've been church -dating so far. for a long time, i thought i would be a TCCC-er for life. and then it was TCAC. and now i'm beginning to go to TMPC. It has been God's Grace in disguise. if ya'll didn't know- i began to play guitar in February/March. I've never really served in a church before. always a "come to church and sit" guy. i've served in fellowship but it doesn't really excite me as serving in a church. to do God's amazing work. and listening to service half in Mandarin is pretty different. helping with Worship is what i think i am best served and it took me about 22 years to find this moment. whether it be with TMPC or another church in the future. i will be willing to follow God in whatever direction He pulls me in.

In service this past sunday, i was really impressed with the speaker and the points he made. am i guy who brightens the room when walking or the rooms brightens when i leave? Friendship. If i want to be with this certain person, i know i would have to know myself better, know her, and to know everyone. I was quite touched when Jason was saying before we left his house after service. I want to know everyone that i've been close to for this past year and make friendships for life. It would be really sad that when we're 40 years old and we really don't know each other, where has the time gone?

time to talk to that certain person and tell her what is really on my mind and what i expect from both of us.

time to talk to God and tell Him what i really want for both of us. need to get back to heart of worship and to the heart of a Christian. stop being a hypocrite. iaya.

:::::::::::::: end stop for the moment:::::::::::::



went to camp and the wood was all wet. took them like 3-4 hours to get it started- but with such 'fire experts', we finally did it. lol. i was quite touched when i got to spend quality time with Natalia. got to know her a little bit better with the games we played. almost everyone knew what game we were playing lol. noise carries in the dark. i wanted to give her my sweater but she didn't want it (Even though she was freezing) my heart just melted and touched when she explained why she didn't want my sweater =D.

finally we had breakfast at this bar place in town. it was pretty good. though i wished i wasn't so upset at things. i think jealousy is what the devil uses to make us humans have despair and wicked thoughts. dang it. with not having a girlfriend for a long time. jealousy didn't appeal to me.... until this moment. and anger for that matter. Thank God we went to church right after. things calmed way down and i prepared my heart and mind to serving God. I thank God for Cindy and her prayers and the message to really clear some things up. I think i'm already content to just to siitng next to that certain person and helping her out with anything. just to see her smile makes me feel good and happy =D.

and then we called a day. things may not seem to be at the moment- so true. i think sleeping is what i need to think straight. gah.

love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Don't Go Away

Don't Go Away- Oasis

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind
(bridge)
I don'twanna be there when you're...
Coming down
I don'twanna be there when you hit the ground
(chorus)
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
About the things caught in my mind

(bridge)
I don't wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

(chorus)
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Me and you what's going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

(chorus)`
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right

Psalm 32: 6-11

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you, while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with the songs of deliverance.
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which may have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you
10 Many are the woes of the wicked but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.
11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!






give me the courage to love with an open heart

a dash into the past

Sunday
worked my butt off at Athlete's World and Hollister and it paid off- got to go see a certain person. Watched flight plan. i felt secured that that certain person felt secured with me while watching the movie.

Monday
called in sick =P, went back to uptown home. watched V for Vendetta ("remember remember, the fifth of november"), went to sleep, and then watched Who Am I? (a movie by Jackie Chan- its funny how they used his REAL name in the movie hahaha). After that, i went grocery shopping with my mom. it was good to go grocery shopping with my mom- and i used to think that i hated it- but nonetheless- it was enjoyable =). And finally i had dinner with everyone (me, Tim (just came back from 'Loo), Vicky, mom and dad). Then i left after dinner and went to work at Hollister. good times. cheers

Tuesday
Ahh yes- the day that was the beginning of the end. spending the whole day with a certain person. i never wanted it to end. went grocery shopping together, came back and i cooked dinner for her, and then we went to walk along harborfront. I'm just wondering, how come we can't live like this forever- u have to get into the whole politics of the situation. i think you're a person pleaser, who tries to please everyone and at the expense of what you really want. but then again- i don't know u very much .... and i have mixed feelings.

Wednesday
work work work. then played basketball in the evening at TCCC- got my mind off some things. things i don't have control of nor the pleasure of changing it. that certain person is always on my mind. i might sound pathetic but, you really changed my perspective of stability and being happy. i feel like u "complete me." i am not what you hear about me and far from it. i just need you to realize that oppurtunities might never come again in a lifetime. i will wait for you, in fair amount of time, but at the same time, i will try to make you see, that the only person that is for me, is you.


ahhh- i sound pathetic!!!!
grrrr!!!

Step by Step

Oh God, You are my God
and I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
and I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
and I will learn to walk in Your ways
and step by step You'll lead me
and I will follow You all of my days






i disagree with your decision and u know that i am vocal about that.
but we both know of a story where the man worked 14 years to get the girl he wanted
if God-willing --> i want to let you know that i'm serious about us and u can
totally trust me. you set me up for failure- i have 2 choices: to succeed or go home. i would like to pick the first choice.



What's Left Of Me- Nick Lachey
Watch my life pass me by
in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
yeah

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

And I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Of me
Just runnin' in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me
Take what's left of me

work

work from 10am - 8pm
work from 9pm - 1am

wash, rinse and repeat for Saturday, Sunday and Monday

omg my feet are killing me and my leg is killing me
wish i had more time off to do more things i want to do- but welcome to the real world.

YEA!!! i got first AGAIN in sales. Not as much as the last time i did it, but i sold almost $2000, the next person was at $1400 and then third place guy was like $600. hahaha killed everyone. making the money :)




so don't know what you want?- tell me what you want. we promised to take this step by step and time- i want you to trust me and the same way around. its basically everything right now, but without the committment- which i am leaning in favor for. but i understand the perspective and repect it. trust me- this heart is for real.

man- my legs and feet are killing me from standing up ALL day long - 13 hours straight =S

get some sleep
can't wait for Tuesday :)
bebe

6:00am

can't sleep
insomnia settling in ahhhhh

well today is a special day- its Jessica's Birthday :)
gonna go surprise her with something something...

here is a song i'm listening to:

Life Afraid - Dalton
Are you living in this moment;
Will you find the answers of yesterday
Will you live your life in question
Is it gonna take you
Will it make or break you

CHORUS
Don’t waste your time
Living life afraid
Wondering what you made
Don’t waste your life
Looking for the right mistakes
Mistakes you can’t erase

VERSE 2
Failure is a place that’s missing
Like a city with no life
Chances need for u to take them
They will make you, they will break you

[chorus]
Yeah Yeah Yeah

[Chorus]
Your life is not in vain
Your know thats not the way to live





don't know what the future holds but i want to set a firm foundation for today, so no matter what happens, i know i have Him to lean back on always. Casting my cares upon Him only.

heart to heart talk...

6:14am

time to go to sleep. bugger.

iono

don't know what you're thinking

damn too tired to be thinking of you might be thinking

tired - sleep

or

playing guitar (lots to learn - so happy to be blessed with time to learn !!! =D )

communication

well- the truth has been set out there. now i'm hoping for line and sinker =S

i am myself when i am with you. i want to be there when u fall or when u get up. i want you to trust me and I to you. I want to be there for every laughter, smile, tear, disapointment. i want to stop looking. i want to take this chance because another might not come again. i see something special and worthy in you. Something i will fight for and defend for my belief. cuz in the end, i hope you will be waiting for me.

waiting and hoping; hear my call; hear my confession.

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. Psalms 55:22

this is for that certain person
time for some sleep- g'nite

Monday

ehhh, today was a bad day to work: Civic Holiday, almost noone came in and if they did, they didn't buy anything :( Work sucked. Got a new pair of shoes : AirMax 360 Basketball shoes :) which compliments my AirMax 360 running shoes. :D.

got more Hollister clothes as well.
a maroon long sleeve (a little emblem on the left chest, "California" on the left arm)
a maroon polo (with a teal seagull on the left chest)
2 plaid boxers
a dress shirt (white with dark blue and light blue stripes)

yea lots of clothes- as Irene says: "you have the whole store here! i'm so jealous- i wished i worked at Hollister" hahaha

my wish list right now: the Nike Free 7.0 Bauer version- so sweet!!!!

finally found that song that was bothering me on Sunday night/Monday morning- I Will Not be Shaken. yea.

still lots on my mind but one less after finding out the song on Monday- slept like a baby. :)

Today

woke up at like 8, went on MSN, and played some music for today's service at TMPC. practiced Hosanna, "my dear hear"(Chinese song), I will enter his gates, I love you Lord, and Count your Blessings. interesting. more old school compared to the contemporary music played at my churches i usually attend. never been to a Preby church before. I welcomed and thank for the chance to serve and play for God.

from all intentions came a challenge that God has given for my choice. it was definetly out of my comfort zone (it was a Mandarin service) but serving God was the common ground. sadly enuf i did this by certain person's request. *tsk tsk. my bad.

should i come clean? or should my intentions be hidden for the benefit of both parties, mine or/and of the other person?

well yea- i hope u readers can give me some insight. don't want to be hurt/ nor the one hurting. love is so difficult. i feel for God when we turn away from His love. hmmm ;-|

hung out with some of the TMPC SWAT team after service. did nothing from 4-6. then Natalia drove me Finch Station- turns out i still had her cellie from before- she'll come by tuesday and pick it up.

then i got home- caught up with current events - Blue Jays finally won a game in 8 tries. wondering where Alex went. thinking of whether of doing the laundry or not. playing some music. fingers kill. took a picture with Natty's cell (haha she'll be surprised !!), cooked dinner, msn'd with that certain person, wanting to know more of her but not let her be suspicious of anything *sigh*.

and that was a day :) time for some sleep

Feelings

Did you hear my feelings?

Is that why you called?

Your voice is the pulse in my heart.

I felt from the start, we might be lovers.

But let's first be friends.

let's walk and talk,

and learn me about you,

you about me

Let me share in your sorrow.

Be part of your joy.

Feel the pain of your anger

Heal in your forgiveness

Let's first be friends.

If it is to be

then show me the wonders of your passion.

If you hear my feelings,

caress me with your voice.

- Kathryn Wilder