Life at a Reasonable Attempt

2007-06-16T00:06:00.000-07:00

love this song

2007-05-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

hey whats up

i have to say, this year has been awesome and God has provided me with answer(s) i wanted to know for a long time. Also the year of the pig, coincidence? anyways...

First things first, prayers for the injured cop...hope he gets well soon. kinda felt bad afterwards knowing he couldn't be there to prosecute me for my two traffic tickets. I was so darn nervous! the first 3 people who had tickets, the cops that prosecuted them didn't even show up. the scariest thing was that before the court session started, a cop pulled up the prosecutor chair and sat down. The clerk came in and talked to the cop and i overheard that he was in court the whole day. EEK! so after the first 3 defendants had their charges withdrawn, i was like, oh man, that must be the cop!.

They called my name,
"What is your name sir?" the judge asked
"Kim Choy" i replied.
"Police officer did not show because he is injured, charges have been withdrawn" said the clerk.
"You may leave now, sir." said the judge.
"Thank-you" i said.

phew, smile, walked out of the courtroom. I called all the people that were in my car that night i got the ticket and they were over- gratefully glad that i was okay. In times of troubles, i know i still have friends who i can turn to.

Then on the same day, i came back home and got my acceptance letter for the Fall2007 term into Business Management- Level 2. Finally!!!!! it took them forever. They lost my application (i handed it in on Feb 19) and i found they lost it in March. Retarded Ryerson. G-R-R-R. I resubmitted my application Mid-April and i finally got it this past monday. Those were the two biggest things i was waiting for this year and prob the two biggest things i had to wait for this year.

I know i don't pray enough, don't read the bible enough, don't fellowship enough and God still shows his GRACE throughout all my problems in my life. Obstacles i should know i can overcome. He is always there for me and i know i can't rely on others for hope and the future.

SOFTBALL season. I passed the CCSA ump test, with 5 minutes of studying. hehehe
doing two teams this year but more of a leadership in the CCSA league. (Co-Governor and Head Ump) so i think i will take more preference in playing Rock (CCSA league) this year, though i know SWAT (TCSA league) will have an awesome year. I will definitely miss some of SWAT's games this year with ump and CCSA games but its okay since i took preference on SWAT last year.

2007-05-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

gonna miss your stubborn-ess and your eyes when you look up at me.

First post of the year

2007-01-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile, and it has always been. nowadays, i can't waste my time typing up what i've done so far in my lfie but i've come back to since i an bored of studying.

very rocky year so far, don't think i've made any progress of my new years resolution yet. i.e losing the 20 pounds from late november to the end of december.
steps i gotta work on:
1) sit-ups (full, and sides) gotta get this stomach down
2) endurance

gotta catch up with academics.

-want to go watch Primeval (the movie about the US's most prolific killer in history like 300 kills or something like that)

- living the new Christian life? its so easy to forget that God is with you all the way. I want to live a life that commanded me to live and i see that its the ONLY way to live. what if i die tonight? in my sleep? what do i tell God? gotta make a more consciencious motion towards that life today, before its too late.

- the lady? haha yea, i got one. i have to consider myself lucky to get one and its even more incredible that she is with me to this day. i still remember while i was single, i wouldn't worry cuz God provides and all but its still possible to get nervous..., and i believe that God has placed an oppurtunitiy in front of me so that i will become a better person and letting me know that i have to cherish God's creation with care and tenderness. Pray to God to open my heart and my mind to become a man of God for her. =) its a working relationship, nothing can be perfect in an instant, its how we both need to put the puzzle together perfectly.

- laters, be back with ya'll soon =)

My Testimonial

2006-12-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

I’ve been going to church since grade 4 but I was not brought up in a Christian household. I was introduced to church by my uncle who had just came back from work or school over in Alberta. I met new people and a society I had never known, but the only thing that kept me going were the free lunches after service, which were on my Uncle, of course. I grew up, physically, mentally, and with the knowledge of the bible, but there was one thing missing in my life, but I didn’t know until the summer after grade 10, or 2000. It was a year of horrendous awakening to life, like getting fifty something on my grade 11 math and being Asian at the same time? How could it be? Or getting myself hurt in a relationship. Being a teen wasn’t so easy. Then the summer came and I went to my first retreat ever. In the first night of the retreat, during worship, with the song- God of Wonders playing in the background, I fell into utter amazement at the star-filled sky and at the same moment, I met God and I believed. The next 6 years were no walk in the park either, falling in and out of church with university as the priority from my parents, and my personal relationship with Jesus wasn’t as steady. I needed to escape from the familiar confines of my old church and begin anew. In the beginning of this year, I moved to TCAC and the I met a great deal of knowledge, arguments, and challenges in service and in Sunday school class. I believe Jesus has saved me from my sins, and from that, I will make everything in my life glorify His name and that this life of mine, I owe it to Him. I believe God has asked me now, to take the next step in my journey with Jesus and I gladly take it as my burden and my desire.

2006-11-14T05:38:00.000-08:00

This coming week...

2006-11-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

before we get on to this coming week, we gotta reflect on last week.
Hectic at work. Hollister. the CEO/President of Abercrombie was coming in and we were staying till like the next morning of the next day for work. CRAZY.

the devo that caught my eye was this one, on November 3:

Counted Faithful
And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, becuase He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry. 1 Timothy 1:12

thoughts of this passage:

I truly do thank God for giving me time, taking me away from Engineering, and taking away my pride. I have been humbled and down to my knees. I have reached the bottom of the barrel and i'm still alive. To tell you guys the truth, this has been my WORST year ever, living on this earth. School, Family and everything you can think of.
But it has also given me the freedom to dwell in my spiritual gifts a bit. Growing up Ontario, we had to learn the recorder in grade 1-3, a real instrument by grade 6 to 8, flute was my choice of weapon, and then whatever you wanted to do afterwards was you own choice. I chose the guitar and for all you don't know, i just started in late February and early March. I am blessed for playing at the CCF retreat and just learning more and more lessons in doing God's work. And now, i get to serve at a church, TMPC, and i'm so happy to serving God and doing His work.

and with serving God, i think its time to get baptized. To believe is to ask for salvation, to get baptized is to grow in Christ and declare you will follow Him the rest of you life. I really don't remember when i actually decided to follow God, i am gonna assume it was a progressive thing instead, but i remember one of the very first times i actually felt His presence. It was the summer of grade 12, when Kyrios fellowship went camping. It was at night and sound carried far in the middle of the night. The sky was clear. The stars were everything. I looked up, and saw, and this was the very first time. It was beautiful. Stars reached in all directions and for as long you can see from human eyes. This was the moment i knew God wanted me to meet Him. The greatest thing was, it was with all my closest brothers and sisters at that time. And it was during worship that every word stuck to my head and made sense. This one song has been with me ever since:

God of Wonders

Lord of all creation
of Water, Earth and Sky
Heavens are your tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on High

God of Wonders beyond our galaxy
You are Holy, Holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are Holy, Holy

Lord of Heaven and Earth

Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
When i stumble in the darkness,
I will call your name by night

Hallelujah to the Lord of heaven and earth.

and thats when i knew i was a Christian. I have asked for His salvation, and though i am NOT worthy of it, He still gives me it.

con't with the devo:
Your ability to serve God is not based on your past, but on your faithfulness today. If you are faithful with the task God entrusts to you, God will enable you to accomplish it. Don't distinguish between big and small assignments from God.

This coming week, i have something special planned for my "special" one. I'm gonna say it right here right now. The surpise hopefully gonna be nice and special and that she will remember. I hope she will like it. The surprise is not tha big compared to the importance of her being in my life. The surprise is______________________. hope you like it hun. ;) did i surprise you? i knew it!

a new season

2006-11-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

so... who's tuned in for the new raptors season???? I AM!!!

lots of new faces, new talent, new chemistry....it smells like Christmas to me!! lol a lot more hope than the last three years and a heck of a lot more "players". people who actually know how to play the game of basketball. With Aruajo out, thank God!, and the people who were taking up space at the end of the bench- loren woods, we finally have something to cheer for in the next 3 or so years. Unlike the Leafs, i think the Raptors have more of chance to win a championship team LOL.

yea its basketball season and i was holding it in, even during the preseason, trying to catch on to every single raptors highlights on nba.com or youtube.com lol.

i need to update more don't i? blog stalkers everywhere...hinthint, i'm talking to you lol. thanks to those to keep up with me and like to reflect on their life and how it is treating them. i feel this is a tiny window to my life, but sometimes i do wish it was a little bit bigger and a lot more expressive sometimes, but yeah....

I've read this somewhere:

"No one ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of life"

and i truly thank God for being there in my life, providing me with food, chinese(but loving as well =P) parents, a roof over my head, a decent job to pay for my tuitions that i actually enjoy working at, and great friends who keep each other on track. Am i happy with my life, for most part yes, but thinking of the future, i need to take my life more serious and make a brilliant effort to get out of the rut i'm in. i have a long way to go, and the roads aren't straight, but with God by my side, anything is possible if you just believe...

Grace, Mercy and Peace. (taken from Experiencing God, my new devo book)
Grace- the unearned gifts the Father bestows on His children.
Mercy- God withholding the punishment we deserve because of our sinfulness
Peace- the state of mind and heart we experience when we are confident of God's grace and mercy towards us.

I feel so bad sometimes when i take advantage of situations where God has given me freedom to do what i always wanted to do and then i forget about Him. Its like letting it slide, and where you shouldn't have, you did. Us humans are forgetful beings.
I need to feel God's grace and mercy within me. I need to stop being forgetful and focus on the things that are needed of me. Not get distracted by things that can pull me down. I need to listen to Him. only then can i ever find peace in my life and with Him.

2006-10-26T13:41:00.001-07:00

back all the way in August

2006-10-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

i remember the "conflict" that occurred b/w my significant other. it was talk, give and take effect, cons and pros, argument and persuasion, conversation etc etc.

well, i wore a jacket that i haven't worn since August a few days ago and i found this. I had it cut out from somewhere, really don't know where but here it is:

"Everything hangs on the outcome of a process of negotiation, which has you feeling like a puppet on a string. However, the more you see yourself as a victim of circumstance, the more you will become one. You are far stronger than you know."

and that was how i felt back in late July, early August. felt hung out b/c i was like a puppet being played with. Though i know that she wasn't doing so... and b/c of her own issues with relationships...it was indeed a tug of war occuring. Trying to persuade and make her trust me... haha...probably the hardest and most wonderful time in pursuing her...i kinda felt pulled. but as you can see, i pulled through and as i gather myself for a serious relationship, somewhere i've never been before and yet want to achieve.... it'll be such a feat and accomplishment and i want to make some things clear...

I'm kinda scared of being hurt and don't want to ever experience that kind of pain like in the past. I feel that the girl i am with will not disapoint and i have my whole faith in her to be true to me and I to her. I want her to be my foundation on this Earth help me with my faith in God. She is a godly woman, and i take pride in that, and i want to tell the WHOLE world about how amazing she is.

Even though we have different schedules and everything, you know i can be there to share your moments of troubles and moments of happiness. to see you smile and be a your crying shoulder.

i have had a couple bumps in the road and i'm falling apart, if you're the one for me, please make me whole again.

How should i reflect on everything in my life this whole year....?

Do not be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6)

Anxiety should never be found in a believer. In spite of the magnitude, quantity, and diversity of out trials, afflictions, and difficulties, anxiety should never exist under any circumstances. This is becuase we have a Father in heaven who is almighty, who loves His children as He loves His "one and only" (John 3:16), and whose complete joy and delight it is to continually assist them under all circumstances. We should heed His Word, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

reflect on these words:
"In Everything"
"By prayer and petition"
"With thanksgiving"

May we take these truths to heart, instinctively walking in them, so the result will be lives that glorify God more abundantly than ever before. George Mueller

Search your heart several times a day, and if you find something that is disturbing your peace, remember to take the proper steps to restore calm. Fancis de Sales

A Fresh Start

2006-10-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

Indeed

well to let you readers know, i have found an extroadinary girl to share my life with. =)

her kind heart, beautiful smile, the smell of her hair... gah ... stop day-dreaming kim. but yea... those descriptive words are for real =)

Oct 1, 2006

But other than that, life has been good to me, lots of homework not done yet.... gah... but hanging out with good friends with good times.

Oct 1, 2006

wooke up at 10:00... oh crap- worship pracice at 10:30. i get dressed and then Cindy calls... "hey i'm late for my own house" ... so i took my time, thinking Cindy will get back to her own house by the time i ate a little breakfast, read the Sports section, talk to my parents.... but no, she was waiting for me to pick her up at Finch Station.... i was like errrr, "how come you're now home yet?????" and this was like 11:15am. So i rushed to pick her up, went back to her place and quickly practiced the songs for worship. btw, Joanne was supposed to be at Cindy's place too but Cindy, duh!, wasn't home. and so she left. prob pissed no one was home. So we left her house at like 1:15. went to Congee Wong, ordered food, and found out the church was already open. gah. so much crap, b/c Joanne was already waiting inside. She didn't feel like singing so i guess, prob still mad at us being late ( i mean Cindy ). Hung out with *special someone* and she surprised me. =) a good surprise =)

ah 1.0's birthday dinner. 7:30pm @ Chako. Steeles and SilveStar blvd. (right next to Destiny) good times, good friends. We ate for like 3 hours at the all-you-can-eat Japanese grill house. Then we went to this dessert place and i had the white-est item on the menu- a banana split. lol considering it was a chinese dessert restuarant.
then called it a night.

=) happy

Boulders

2006-09-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

"Boulders"
by New Found Glory

I feel locked away
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
Crushing on my head are boulders
Made of lies and dust from all of us

What of the bonds we've made
That have started to fade
We can't control the time
But right now I'll take what I can get out of my life

Medicate me again
So I fall away
Medicate me now
So I fall away

I feel torn between
Two different sides of an opinion
Don't know what state I've been in
Don't believe in trust, for only one of us

What of the progress made
That night we all forgave
It was a thought out crime
But you should take what you can get out of this life

I never said that I didn't need you
Put down your arms
And wrap them both right around me
Right around me

:(

2006-09-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

you know- i say things that are really retarted. i never meant to say it and i didn't say it b/c it was on mind. I just say stupid things like that but i have no idea why... i didn't mean to say it.

i want to be true to you and show you that i am. i didn't know things were turning out the way things are but i really don't regret any minute of it until those words i said. that was the only thing i have regretted. if i could take anything back- it would have been those words i said 2night. i swear my tongue has a mind of its own. GAH!!! i'm so upset at myself for saying that and GAH!!!

if you can only see into my heart that i am for true, you would understand. but i can't and no matter how many words i say, i just have to show you by being the guy that you only need. yur only and last.

sorry =(

blah....

The Past Week

2006-09-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

11/09
morning call. woke up and went to work. gah! it was monday. hung around at work for the heck of it. got off work. it all seemed a little blurry to me. oh yes- worship practice!! went well. songs were Forever, Filled with You Glory, He is Exalted, Marvelous Light, and He is Holy (i think that is the name) .Hollister. done Monday. phew!!!

12/09
morning call. gah! Tuesday morning. went to work. had a pretty good day at work. nothing special but still got the job done. First day of classes. Financial Accounting. *yawn* . Hollister

13/09
yeah.. day a off from AW. morning called *someone special*. went back to sleep. woke up. and ran out of the building lol. had lunch with a *special someone* at a Jap resturant which was close to the school (actually behind the school to be exact) =) got home and found out Joyce was delayed by Go Train problems. So i went in place of 3.0 and went to to Joyce's class (Marketing, i think) to take notes for her. Although there was not many notes to take (the teacher was telling stories and the description of a Salesman i.e. slimy, non-ethical, in-your-face etc etc haha.), Joyce came an hour later and supplied the answer to a empty stomach : Teddy Grahams. yummy. Then we went to Eaton's and i bought my first Abercrombie item - a t-shirt. though i thought i would have boy-cotted AnF, it was a nice stitched tee. then i went home, showered, and i brought the intruments to CCF. CCF was amazing. so many people. so many froshies. =) then i went back uptown with a *special person*. made my day to see at the end of the day :)

14/09
@ Markham home. bummed around. thought i lost my wallet but i didn't. XP. went grocery shopping with mommy. and then bummed around at home again. *Someone special* got upset b/c we had a miscommunication about a time difference. boo urns. still came at the right time at the wrong place. lol. we went to eat at Kelsey's @ 7 and Yonge, near the Famous Players Colussus theatres. pretty funny for a guy to have diet coke and a salad while the girl has a steak dinner WHILE she is also making fun of the guy having the salad WHILE the waiter was there. :( lol its all good- i forgive her :P Then we watched The Covenant. about a 5 families passing down special powers down the generations and stuff like that. the ending was so evident about a sequal. lol

15/09
morning call. got up and met up with a *special someone* at Finch Station @9:00. got an ice cap. yummy. that *special someone* is a genius ;) i underestimated her. lol got off Dundas Station and waved goodbye to her while she got on the streetcar. went to work @ AW. made dinner for a *special someone*. and we called it a day :)

16/09
saturday classes- finished at 10:30. made my way to BestBuy and bought the new John Mayer cd and Grand Turismo 4 for PS2. Them met up with *special someone* at Finch Station and she drove me to Finch and McNichol. Thanks baby. I don't like to see you blue :( and the grey weather wasn't helping either eh? hope yur feeling better. hope to see you smile- cuz it brings me my sunshine everytime i see it :) Lunch with parents okay la. then went to buy me my new laptop after basketball session @ T3C. I went to Best Buy at Markville Mall. and i got a Compaq Presario V3000. Intel Centrino Duo Mobile Technology @ 1.6Ghz and DVD burner etc etc. *drools. Had a bit of time to hang out with my new laptop before i had to go to Brian's b-day celebration at Boston Pizza @ the Interchange. Cool to see old and current CCF's(old:Maggie, Jeff, Vince) and (current: Teddy, Danielle, Floe, Kitty, Arthur, Richard, Brian) and the people that i saw last year- including the guy who seems to wear the same shirt as me on Brian's B-day celebrations. last year was a striped shirt and this year- a blue polo. oh man. nice shirt- thats all i can say >.< Then we went to take pictures in front of B.P. and said bye to the people who weren't coming to D&B. D&B wasn't that good but it was fun to have some friendly competition with some old friends. i lost to Maggie in basketball shootout LOL. and then i tied Brian. my shoulders are killing me lol. who knew it was bring the the lactic acid to the shoulders so fast. Then i went to my baby, who had a headache- surprised her :)

17/09
Went out for lunch at Power King at 7 and Kennedy with the family. both me and my brother are going back to our respective places (Toronto d/t and Waterloo respectively) well i went to church first @ TMPC and went play softball. then we celebrated John's b-day at Pho 88. Warden and Steeles. yummy- hadn't had Pho in a long time. lol

18/09
here i am, blogging. hoping to study after i get off the computer. listening to Linkin Park- so good. angst and power. got to buy my textbooks too!!! iaya. hope to hear from my baby soon.

fun

2006-09-13T18:39:00.001-07:00

i'm having fun on someone else's computer :P

mmmm, I love Turtles :)

2006-09-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

well not Turtles- a little too pricey for me, but Glosets with Raisins is just as good =)
so whats up recently

Softball:
a down and up season. we just plained sucked at the beginning of the season. but as the season progressed, with more practices, we came together as a team and i knew this team had the talent to go as far as our play went. Before the big tournament, i was guessing we would come first due to our excellent play. i was pretty darn close. We just didn't concetrate long enough b/c we were in uncharted territories. We beat the Saints in round-robin play. Our defense was almost perfect and we scored when we needed to. What makes it better, since we lost in the quarter-final play, was that Saints went on to win the tournament and the season champions. Next year- watch out for S.W.A.T.

Work:
Last week (August 20-26) @ Athlete's World was gay. one day was one of my lowest days. was selling $27 an hour. LOL pretty good- NOT. much better this week. Came first in sales on Thursday's shift. Selling 300 something an hour. muahahaha. but it avg's out so.... hopefully it be respectable for next week's pay check =P
Hollister, haven't worked there much (worked like 17 hours last week) and prob around 20 hours this week.

Need to do.
1)Natalia's "surprise"
2)Pay Roger's Bill
3)Renew my driver's license
4)play more guitar- need to improve lots
5)fold laundry

btw- i'm bringing sexyback =P
new Justin Timberlake- not good. Sexyback prob the best song.

no need to rush decisions- all works out in God's master plan =D

Camping @ Wasaga

2006-08-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

So, this was a weekend that i thought i would be at least get a rest of sorts
i was so wrong lol

on friday, after softball practice, exhausted and all, came home and did my laundry till 3am. i had to wake up at 6am on Saturday morning =S. crap. so about 2.5 hours of sleep and all. Had to run up to Wellesley and Yonge to drop my Rogers video. Watched Domino and She's the Man with Natalia :). i think she liked She's the Man, Domino was more bloodier and stuff. and plus- cheering her up was my first priority.

so 7am i got to Finch station and waited for Natalia. she was 1 minute late. lol. Yea, we have this late issue reversed now =P. So the 5 of us took of for Wasaga (Natalia, Jason, Gloria, Steph, and moi)

when we got there, we set up the two tents. the 10 man tent was a mess lol. all the pieces were mixed up and everything. took us like 30 minutes to set up the 6 man tent and like 2 hours to set up the 10 man lol. After the tents, we went to go Go-Carting and batting cages. Yes, Natalia beat me at Go-Carting- but i wasn't expecting her to pass me at the end XP. and then batting cages. 35 MPH was way to fast for me at the beginning. i missed like the first 8 pitches and and for the next 6 pitches i like ticked. but after i found my niche, i hit some balls with some power on pitches 18-19 lol. 25 MPH was more manageable. good practice :)

Went to Wasaga. haven't been to a beach in AGES!!!!! the weather sucked though. hmm it was grey for most of the day. i had no choice but to get Natalia wet b/c Jason started. Who was gonna get less wet? Jason lol, so i kinda joined the dark side. minus 15!!! holy!!!!! mmm we also had funnel cake as well. it was good:)

and the day went by, and the more day went by, it was good to get to know Natalia. She's a very competitive girl =P, just like me, and i see so many similarities in us. i had tons of fun =)

the rest of the people finally came at around 8pm. Goo, Lue, Choy, Athrum, Cindy, Julia, Jacky, Gerald. we ate at the Friendly Greek.

went to walk out in the water until the water came to the top of my thigh, i held my shorts way up- it looked pretty funny lol b/c Goo was doing the same thing. This is the most significant part (to me) of the whole trip.

::::::::::stop for the moment::::::::::::::

Looking out into the neverending black abyss. it really reminds of where i am going in life and who i really am. i really don't know. It was so dark that if the lights from the nitelife at Wasaga was turned off, i wouldn't be able to see my hands in front of my eyes. Thats how lost i am. the more i think my life is set, it throws me a curveball and keeps me guessing. i could just stand out there and try to see lights to lead me, but none came out. its kinda scary and the most relaxing time of the whole trip at the same time. just pure calmness- something that i need in my life. it has been so hectic this year. money, family, school, love - ahh yes love. with a failed attempt this year already, i don't know if i could love anyone that could love me the same. its like every girl that i have met in my university life- all the girls are the same- can't commit. and the latest love- i can say the same thing. I just want to love and let go of my life to her. i would go to the ends of the earth for her but she doesn't know it. and if she is reading this, she prob has made up her mind of not being with me (for personal reasons). so i guess life goes on. it might as well leave me behind cuz i'm living in this moment. with you and you only.

It has been a sorts this year- i've been church -dating so far. for a long time, i thought i would be a TCCC-er for life. and then it was TCAC. and now i'm beginning to go to TMPC. It has been God's Grace in disguise. if ya'll didn't know- i began to play guitar in February/March. I've never really served in a church before. always a "come to church and sit" guy. i've served in fellowship but it doesn't really excite me as serving in a church. to do God's amazing work. and listening to service half in Mandarin is pretty different. helping with Worship is what i think i am best served and it took me about 22 years to find this moment. whether it be with TMPC or another church in the future. i will be willing to follow God in whatever direction He pulls me in.

In service this past sunday, i was really impressed with the speaker and the points he made. am i guy who brightens the room when walking or the rooms brightens when i leave? Friendship. If i want to be with this certain person, i know i would have to know myself better, know her, and to know everyone. I was quite touched when Jason was saying before we left his house after service. I want to know everyone that i've been close to for this past year and make friendships for life. It would be really sad that when we're 40 years old and we really don't know each other, where has the time gone?

time to talk to that certain person and tell her what is really on my mind and what i expect from both of us.

time to talk to God and tell Him what i really want for both of us. need to get back to heart of worship and to the heart of a Christian. stop being a hypocrite. iaya.

:::::::::::::: end stop for the moment:::::::::::::

went to camp and the wood was all wet. took them like 3-4 hours to get it started- but with such 'fire experts', we finally did it. lol. i was quite touched when i got to spend quality time with Natalia. got to know her a little bit better with the games we played. almost everyone knew what game we were playing lol. noise carries in the dark. i wanted to give her my sweater but she didn't want it (Even though she was freezing) my heart just melted and touched when she explained why she didn't want my sweater =D.

finally we had breakfast at this bar place in town. it was pretty good. though i wished i wasn't so upset at things. i think jealousy is what the devil uses to make us humans have despair and wicked thoughts. dang it. with not having a girlfriend for a long time. jealousy didn't appeal to me.... until this moment. and anger for that matter. Thank God we went to church right after. things calmed way down and i prepared my heart and mind to serving God. I thank God for Cindy and her prayers and the message to really clear some things up. I think i'm already content to just to siitng next to that certain person and helping her out with anything. just to see her smile makes me feel good and happy =D.

and then we called a day. things may not seem to be at the moment- so true. i think sleeping is what i need to think straight. gah.

love

2006-08-22T00:28:00.000-07:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Don't Go Away

2006-08-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

Don't Go Away- Oasis

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind
(bridge)
I don'twanna be there when you're...
Coming down
I don'twanna be there when you hit the ground
(chorus)
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
About the things caught in my mind

(bridge)
I don't wanna be there when you're...
Coming down
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

(chorus)
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Me and you what's going on?
All we seem to know is how to show
The feelings that are wrong

(chorus)`
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right
Yes I need more time just to make things right

Psalm 32: 6-11

2006-08-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you, while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.
7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with the songs of deliverance.
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which may have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you
10 Many are the woes of the wicked but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.
11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

give me the courage to love with an open heart

a dash into the past

2006-08-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

Sunday
worked my butt off at Athlete's World and Hollister and it paid off- got to go see a certain person. Watched flight plan. i felt secured that that certain person felt secured with me while watching the movie.

Monday
called in sick =P, went back to uptown home. watched V for Vendetta ("remember remember, the fifth of november"), went to sleep, and then watched Who Am I? (a movie by Jackie Chan- its funny how they used his REAL name in the movie hahaha). After that, i went grocery shopping with my mom. it was good to go grocery shopping with my mom- and i used to think that i hated it- but nonetheless- it was enjoyable =). And finally i had dinner with everyone (me, Tim (just came back from 'Loo), Vicky, mom and dad). Then i left after dinner and went to work at Hollister. good times. cheers

Tuesday
Ahh yes- the day that was the beginning of the end. spending the whole day with a certain person. i never wanted it to end. went grocery shopping together, came back and i cooked dinner for her, and then we went to walk along harborfront. I'm just wondering, how come we can't live like this forever- u have to get into the whole politics of the situation. i think you're a person pleaser, who tries to please everyone and at the expense of what you really want. but then again- i don't know u very much .... and i have mixed feelings.

Wednesday
work work work. then played basketball in the evening at TCCC- got my mind off some things. things i don't have control of nor the pleasure of changing it. that certain person is always on my mind. i might sound pathetic but, you really changed my perspective of stability and being happy. i feel like u "complete me." i am not what you hear about me and far from it. i just need you to realize that oppurtunities might never come again in a lifetime. i will wait for you, in fair amount of time, but at the same time, i will try to make you see, that the only person that is for me, is you.

ahhh- i sound pathetic!!!!
grrrr!!!

Step by Step

2006-08-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

Oh God, You are my God
and I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
and I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
and I will learn to walk in Your ways
and step by step You'll lead me
and I will follow You all of my days

i disagree with your decision and u know that i am vocal about that.
but we both know of a story where the man worked 14 years to get the girl he wanted
if God-willing --> i want to let you know that i'm serious about us and u can
totally trust me. you set me up for failure- i have 2 choices: to succeed or go home. i would like to pick the first choice.

What's Left Of Me- Nick Lachey
Watch my life pass me by
in the rearview mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
yeah

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

And I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me somethin' to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Of me
Just runnin' in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me
Take what's left of me

work

2006-08-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

work from 10am - 8pm
work from 9pm - 1am

wash, rinse and repeat for Saturday, Sunday and Monday

omg my feet are killing me and my leg is killing me
wish i had more time off to do more things i want to do- but welcome to the real world.

YEA!!! i got first AGAIN in sales. Not as much as the last time i did it, but i sold almost $2000, the next person was at $1400 and then third place guy was like $600. hahaha killed everyone. making the money :)

so don't know what you want?- tell me what you want. we promised to take this step by step and time- i want you to trust me and the same way around. its basically everything right now, but without the committment- which i am leaning in favor for. but i understand the perspective and repect it. trust me- this heart is for real.

man- my legs and feet are killing me from standing up ALL day long - 13 hours straight =S

get some sleep
can't wait for Tuesday :)
bebe

6:00am

2006-08-11T03:06:00.000-07:00

can't sleep
insomnia settling in ahhhhh

well today is a special day- its Jessica's Birthday :)
gonna go surprise her with something something...

here is a song i'm listening to:

Life Afraid - Dalton
Are you living in this moment;
Will you find the answers of yesterday
Will you live your life in question
Is it gonna take you
Will it make or break you

CHORUS
Don’t waste your time
Living life afraid
Wondering what you made
Don’t waste your life
Looking for the right mistakes
Mistakes you can’t erase

VERSE 2
Failure is a place that’s missing
Like a city with no life
Chances need for u to take them
They will make you, they will break you

[chorus]
Yeah Yeah Yeah

[Chorus]
Your life is not in vain
Your know thats not the way to live

don't know what the future holds but i want to set a firm foundation for today, so no matter what happens, i know i have Him to lean back on always. Casting my cares upon Him only.

heart to heart talk...

6:14am

time to go to sleep. bugger.

iono

2006-08-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

don't know what you're thinking

damn too tired to be thinking of you might be thinking

tired - sleep

or

playing guitar (lots to learn - so happy to be blessed with time to learn !!! =D )